We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
