i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I forgot how hot balto sounded
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
