...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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