Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
