Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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