The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
