i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
