who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
