I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
