I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Congratulations! We have a period
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
