Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
