Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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