She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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