I want to stick my p in your. b.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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