What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
