I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
