i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
