Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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