I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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