i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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