And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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