i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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