woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
