I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
