For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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