I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
