Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
