we have pet lesbian snakes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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