Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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