best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
