they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
