This is not my ceiling
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
