Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
