I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
