Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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