last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Pants are for mortals
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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