my vag is so smooth its legendary
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
