that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
