Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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