I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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