No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
