So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
