I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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