i would punch a child for taco bell
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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