I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
