oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
