Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
