I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
