Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
