They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
