She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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