i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
soo... how was my night?
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