The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
