nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
