I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
