First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
