I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
