You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
