You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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