If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
