So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
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Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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