My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
time to smoke my breakfast
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
