A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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