You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
