I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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