it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
