just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
