Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
