I wish i was in the wii world.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
