saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize